Bread Addict

The story that follows is written from the first person perspective.  I will have several installments to follow.  Through them, I hope to  illustrate what transformation looks like when you turn your life over to Jesus Christ.  Although a good many things in the story are true about my life, my being in an AA situation is not true.  I used a therapuetic group setting to bring out the fact that God  can and does love and help people who are users of illicit drugs, food, sex, and alcohol.  He came to set the captives free.
Nervously, I think about standing up to talk.  My gut flips and flops.  With an advesary on one shoulder and an advocate on the other, the debate begins.

The devil shouts in my ear, "Sit down.  You don't have a problem.  You aren't dealing with heroin, booze, or porn like these other people.   You have to eat to live, duh.  You have to work to support your family, c'mon.  You aren't a Rockafeller."

The angel leans close and whispers, "Remember, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4:4).  Like a huge boulder in my lap, resignation and defeat pinned me to my seat.  Suddenly a vivid, full color photo of a Sumo suit hanging on the cross flashed through my mind.

The graphic image of the cross emboldened me to shine the light on the dirty secret that was lurking in my mental closet. An electric shock waved from my scalp down my body.  The heavy weight flew off my lap as I jumped up.  "Hi, I'm Robin. I am a recovering workaholic and food addict."

The group beamed with love and in unison they chimed, " Hi, Robin!"

Encouraged by the love, I began telling them the story, "I started using food as entertainment in between 3rd and 4th grade. It was a boring, hot summer.  It felt good to sit inside in the air conditioning, watch t.v., and eat.  It was a family thing.  My whole family used food for comfort, entertainment, relating, and anxiety control.  I followed along until I was a sophomore; then I stopped.  I began to eat healthy and use food for energy and survival instead of entertainment.  It wasn't until my second marriage that I began to abuse food again.  I was going so fast being a full time Mom, Corporate Banker, Wife, and Martha Stewart, that I didn't really notice the warning signs.

I liked to cook and entertain.  It was a perfect excuse to enjoy food. A taste of this, a lick off that, and in no time, I put on 40 lbs.  Getting pregnant only worsened the situation because "my boom" as my husband put it didn't come back. My weight and a new found anxiety climbed while my self esteem plummetted.  I was desperate to do anything to lose the weight.  The harder I worked to get it off to please my husband, the more bitter, angry, depressed, and fatter I became.  This pattern continued for five years.

In all of this, we moved south, and I began working like I had never worked before.  Forty more pounds poured on as major projects for the Bank consumed my every waking moment. I was unhappy with my looks, stressed as a worker, ashamed as a mom and getting unhappier by the day with my marriage.  I was an inward torrent of self contempt.  The more I hated myself, the more I worked, the more I worked, the faster I went, the faster I went, the more I ate, the more I ate, the more I hated myself.  On and on she goes,where she stops nobody knows?"  I chuckled to avoid crying.

As I paused, a patient listener in the audience spoke, "Wait. At some point you had to become aware of all of this.  What was your rock bottom? How did you get out of that pit?"

"My rock bottom was my husband walking out on me and my daughters", I responded. "I didn't go to therapy or check myself into the Richard Simmons clinic.  I found God."

"No, seriously, what did you do?  God couldn't have dug you out of the pit." insisted the man.

Firmly, I repeated, "Seriously. God pulled me out of the mirey pit, put my feet on a firm foundation, and showed me a new victorious path to follow."

"Thanks for sharing, Robin.  Hey there kids, looks like we are out of time for tonight.  Let's pick up where we left off next week."

As I left the building, I felt lighter in density, and I was shining like a beacon.

Chew On This:
Have you ever considered that God is bigger than your most gargantuan problem? Meditate on Psalm 18: 1-19 (NIV)
Are you confused with which way to go?  Read Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
He came to set the captives free. Are you in bondage? Read Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)


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