A Prayer Answered
Motherhood and Wifedom is the greatest adventure that I have ever inadvertently set out on. When I was a little girl, I never dreamed of being a wife or a mother. It wasn’t on my radar screen. I was more interested in climbing trees and pretending to be Elvis. Mommydom was not an expectation I had for myself. Up until three years ago, I didn’t really buy off on the whole concept. Responsibility, guilt, and shame overshadowed the joy of being a momma. It never occurred to me that I might raise my station from woman at the well to noble Proverbs 31 mother and wife. It would take a miracle. That’s the funny thing about God. He’s in the miraculous transformation business. Let me explain.
When I graduated high school, I had my heart broken by a good looking, serious type of guy. From that point on, I certainly didn’t want marriage or kids. I had my life planned out. I thought, “I’ll go in the Air Force, go to college, get the degree, go to work, make a bunch of money, and maaaaaaaaaybeeeeee consider adopting a child in my 30’s. Men, who needs them? I’ll just use them when I need them.” My theory was that they were obsolete since there was modern replacement solution to every service they could possible offer me (Wink, wink…think about it).
The theory held water for about five months after graduation. Once I went into the Air Force, I met my first husband. After six months, I married him. (Where was that strong, independent minded person with the plan when I needed her?) Since we were both in the military, we decided that I would get pregnant and get out of the Air Force. We tried and tried to get pregnant. It took nine months of trying. Finally, right before I was supposed to go to the next stage of training, the pregnancy test came back positive. My ticket out of the Air Force and an around the world trip with Spouse #1 was punched.
I was so lonely and lost that I remember prayed and prayed for the baby to come early. Casey Nicole Harvey announced her presence on May 11, 1990 in Seoul, South Korea. I was 19.5 years old. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was a world away from anyone who could give me a clue in a language I could understand. (Thank you Jesus, God makes babies and drunks flexible). As a mother I could barely keep my head above water, but as a wife, not so much. Needless to say, the marriage didn’t last. However, I did get a lovely parting gift, Casey.
I struggled to keep things together as a single mom. Working, going to school, keeping a roof over our heads, and trying to be a normal twenty something was tough. Sometimes the responsibility was smothering. I needed a break. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever been desperate for a break from your present reality? Where would you turn?